It’s been said that I’m a little unorthodox as a mom.

Maybe it’s not so much that I’m lacking in maternal orthodoxy, as it is that I’ve just never grown up. And I never will, so that means I’ll be a weird g’ma, too.

Some of my unconventional ways were prompted by an unconventional arrangement. When Dave and I first got married, we agreed we’d parent to our strengths. So he was the primary decision maker and disciplinarian from birth until they turned 13. I became the primary decision maker and disciplinarian from 13 until they moved out.

This arrangement was mainly due to the fact that little kids make me itchy, and teenagers make Dave feel violent. Or maybe it’s the other way around.

Nonetheless, it was the only way we could ensure the less-pleasant parent didn’t ruin that phase of the kids’ lives. In the end it was a good plan, because not long after Jen became a teenager, Dave’s job took him out on the road three to four days out of every week, I was in charge by default.

Anyway, I thought I’d share my Postulations on Parenting (or PoP, if you will). I’ll only throw one PoP at you for now. That will give you time to digest it, and maybe leave some comments on why you think my ideas are so messed up.

PoP #1: Peer pressure is your best friend. Use it to your advantage.

Your kids’ friends are not going to jump off a cliff, quit trying to convince them they might. But they may talk your kids into doing other things you don’t want them doing, and your kids will listen. Sorry, it’s just the way it is.

If your kids’ friends have that much influence, why not be one of those friends? I know you always hear people say, “Your children need a parent, not a friend.” Guess what? Parent and friend are not mutually exclusive terms. You can be both. Oh, yes you can.

I’ve had bosses I was good friends with, and I’ve had teachers I was good friends with. We had a personal relationship, and a professional relationship. You can do the same thing with your kids. You just have to make the parameters clear.

Zach was the one that gave us a way of identifying if we were in parent/child mode, or friend mode. When he learned to talk, he started calling me Heida. As the kids got older, Heida or Heidi was the person sitting with them on the kitchen counters, goofing off instead of getting the Saturday chores done. Mom was the one saying, “Okay, enough goofing off. Let’s get something done.”

When they were feeling burned out from school and needed a mental health day at home, I was Heida. When they stayed up too late on Saturday night and wanted to sleep in rather than get up for church, I was mom. When they were telling me what a great date they’d been on, I was Heida. When they were telling me their heart was broken, I was mom.

There are some crucial strategies in establishing your friendship with your kids, which I’ll save for other PoPs, but the important thing to know is that you can and should be friends with your kids.

When Jen was still in high school, we saw the movie Practical Magic and loved the scene where they had midnight margaritas. So we made it our own tradition, staying up late, listening to loud music, sitting on the kitchen counters, and drinking (virgin) margaritas. So much fun!

When Zach got into high school, I was working, and couldn’t stay up all hours of the night (not on purpose anyway, but more on that in a minute.) So we had daytime daiquiris. There’s just nothing like bonding over a frosty beverage.

Another ritual was checking in when they got home after being out at night. No matter how late it was, I wanted them to let me know they were home and safe. But it was never as quick as just checking in. There was always a lot to report about the evening, and I often got a full play-by-play. I loved it. Plus, you’d be amazed at how much your kids will tell you when it’s dark and they can’t see your expressions.

If your kids already think you’re a geek, don’t be discouraged. Jen went through a phase (right about 13 years old) where she regarded me as a zit on the face of her social life – she hoped I’d go away quickly and not leave any scars.

I’d gotten her some really cool Doc Marten-type Mary Janes. I liked them so much I later bought a pair for myself. At a family party I put my foot next to hers and said, “Look at our shoes, aren’t they cool?”  She said, “They were until you got them.” I think it’s just something mothers and daughters go through sometimes.

Thankfully, Zach was never much of a hater. But I think I earned his respect because his friends admired that I could belch longer and louder than any of them. There’s nothing wrong with impressing them with your skills.

Pardon my mixing of metaphors here, but if your kids understand that you out-rank them, but they don’t feel like you’re constantly pulling rank on them, they’ll respond better when you have to put on your parent hat .

It’s just a fact of life that kids want to fit in with their friends. If you manage to worm your way into that exclusive group, they’ll want to fit in with you, too. Then you can trick them into doing just about anything you want.

PoP #1: A Little Practical Magic

PoP #2: Fall In Love With a Vampire

PoP #3: Don’t Be a Unitard

PoP #4: Go GaGa For Your Kids

PoP #5: It Takes a Starfleet to Raise a Child

PoP #6: Don’t Be a Sewage Plant