Almost any movie you love is a perfect how-to-guide for parenting. Not the story and plot so much as just the fact that you love it. (Documentaries excluded.)
I’m not saying you should take the script to Wedding Crashers and adapt it to be your household rules. So all you Vince Vaughn fans just need to take a deep breath. And maybe a cold shower.
This is “Worst Ever” week. I’m not going to say your favorite movie is the worst ever. It might be. But I don’t know that for sure, because you were just thinking of the movie you love, you didn’t say the title out loud for me to hear.
It’s also actually time for me to share another of my Postulations on Parenting (PoP) and believe it or not, your favorite movie will teach you that being the worst ever at one thing can make you the best parent.
Really. I’m not making it up. Okay, yes I am. I’m totally pulling this one out of my tookus. But Dave will tell you that’s how I operate most of the time anyway. So bear with me.
No matter how amazingly good the plot, effects or actors were, your favorite movie depended on the audience to complete the work. We had to be willing to be in the moment and believe.
We had to leave what we knew to be real out in the parking lot, and bring only our imaginations and popcorn money in with us. Otherwise we’d spend the whole movie rolling our eyes, and walk out feeling like we wasted the ticket price. That happens a lot anyway, but not with the movie you’re thinking of, because you loved that movie, right?
But there are realists out there that hated your movie. Usually realists hate movies because they’re not willing to participate in consensual make-believe. They can’t forget what they know and just play along with the rest of us.
PoP #2: When it comes to parenting, be the worst realist ever. You love your kids at least as much as your favorite movie, right? Then you can be in the moment and believe in them, too.
One night when Zach was still in elementary school, he told me when he grew up he was going to build a full-size submarine.
Maybe he will. But first he’d have to go to school or study a number of sciences to be able to actually build a functional submarine. Plus, he’d need a huge source of income or funding. And to top it off, what was he going to do with it once he built it? It’ not something you skipper in your backyard pool.
Being the helpful mom that I was, I launched into all the reasons why it wasn’t feasible to build a submarine.
I made him cry.
He didn’t need me to tell him what I knew. He needed me to believe. He needed me to get caught up in his plot-line and suggest putting screen doors on his submarine, so he could be the expert and explain to me why that wasn’t practical.
So, a few years later when he announced he was moving out (at the ripe old age of 14) I not only entertained his idea of living in our old, crappy tent trailer on the driveway, I bought the pink flamingos for his front yard. I mean, if he wanted to be trailer trash, I wanted him to do it in style.
When Jen decided she loved NSYNC, I decided to love them, too. But she loved Justin and I loved Lance.
I bought NSYNC posters and NSYNC magazines. I recorded every NSYNC special or appearance on tv. I bought every NSYNC video I came across. I took her to TWO NSYNC concerts!
As an adult, I knew it wouldn’t last (her interest OR the band.) I knew that one day she’d look at her binders FULL of pictures and clippings and think, “Wow, I should have gotten a life.” But she didn’t need me telling her that. Truthfully, I didn’t even want to think it.
NSYNC was a really big deal at the time, and there was nothing wrong with her (or me, for that matter) enjoying their wave of popularity.
There’s a weird thing that happens with some adults the moment their first child clears the birth canal. They get caught up in the reality of life, and forget the concept of it.
They become realists who think their main parental responsibility is to point out all the bloopers and continuity errors in their kids’ lives. They look at their kids’ concerns and ideas as sit-com material.
But kids BELIEVE they’re living the most important DOCUMENTARY ever made!
So I’m suggesting we turn our kids loose and let them live in a total fantasy world for the rest of their lives.
Not really. You thought I really lost it there, didn’t you?
I’m just saying, WITHIN REASON, try not to poop all over the things that are important to your kids. Even if you think they’re stupid. (The things, not the kids.)
Most things they’ll grow out of, like living on the driveway, or worshiping a boy-band. They’ll figure out all on their own what parts of life are real and what parts are just special effects and drama.
For now, you just need to be with them in the moment and believe.
And here’s the freaky amazing thing that happens:
When your kids know you value what’s important to them, they begin to value what’s important to you. Crazy, isn’t it? But it happens.
So if you find yourself sitting in a theater, COMPLETELY BELIEVING you could fall in love with a vampire – that kinda makes the submarine idea sound rational. You’re already the worst realist.
PoP #1: A Little Practical Magic
PoP #2: Fall In Love With a Vampire
PoP #2: Fall In Love With a Vampire
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
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